NHL Hybrid

I would not classify myself as a hockey fan. Sure, I know which teams are good and who the star players are, but beyond that all of the Czechoslovakian and Russian names without vowels create a state of confusion in my brain.

But in honor of the NHL’s 57th All-Star game this weekend (Sunday at 6 PM ET on Versus if anyone cares), I think I’ve schemed a solution to resurrect hockey as a major sport. And let me go ahead and shed my apologies to those readers who are die-hard puck fans and are appalled even at the notion of altering the game.

Before I unleash my earth-shattering concept to change the face of hockey, I want to let you know where this epiphany came from. It stemmed from my disbelief in some of the recent transpirations involving player suspensions and a proposed fighting ban.

Three weeks ago I got up on my soapbox and preached about why former Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery deserved a second chance. Two meaningless words cost this hockey player a job and perhaps his future in the sport. I argued, and continue to do so, that athletes in other sports have committed far greater crimes and received far less in terms of punishment.

On January 7, Senators right wing Jarkko Ruutu was handed a two-game suspension for biting the finger of another player while in an altercation. Now this one had me rolling on the ground in tears.

Andrew Peters, who serves as the enforcer for the Buffalo Sabres, was the victim of this chomping and he claimed that “it’s not part of the game of hockey” and “not acceptable at any level.”

This is coming from a guy who batters, bruises and boxes other men for a living.

I don’t know what fighting parameters Peters grew up with but playground rules are: Anything goes except a kick or punch to where the sun doesn’t shine. Biting, scratching, hair-pulling, eye-gouging, tittie-twisters, Indian sunburns and wet willies are all fair game. But this 6-4, 247-pound beast of a man, who is supposedly the team goon, is calling mamma because he got bit on the thumb.

The head coach of his own team, Lindy Ruff, shared my sentiment, "I find it a little humorous to tell you the truth. It makes it something good to talk about. Games need a little spice and we get a little spice."

The latest news to hit the frozen floor this week reports that the NHL’s Director of Operations plans to discuss with the league’s 30 general managers the possibility of placing a ban on fighting.

That could be the most ignorant idea I have ever encountered.

Gloves dropping on the ice and bare knuckles flailing are the only reason this sport is still attracting a fraction of fans. If people wanted to watch a boring, back-and-forth, low-scoring sporting event they can flip over to ESPN Deportes and watch soccer. Because without fighting, that is exactly what hockey would be.

This is what Toronto Maple Leafs president and general manager, Brian Burke had to say about the proposal of taking the physicality out of the game, "I vigorously oppose (a ban), so I think it will be a short discussion.”

It is very apparent the National Hockey League’s biggest fault is making a big deal out of nothing. Antics Commissioner Bettman and his posse have pulled over the last month gives the league no credibility.

Are they seriously trying to hold their players to the PGA’s code of conduct? These are hockey players and attempting to give their image a divine appearance is skewed. This sport needs some bad boys with an edge. A league full of Sydney Crosbys and Wayne Gretzkys would be like watching a PG-13 chick-flick.

So enters NHL Hybrid.

A league that would never entertain the possibility of terminating fighting but instead, promote it. Highlighting featured bouts between bruisers where at least two fights per game is guaranteed.

Essentially a sport where the only rule is there are no rules.

Okay maybe we won’t take it that far. Icing, offsides and any regulation that keeps the game in some form of uniformity can remain, but everything else goes. No penalty minutes for cross-checking, high-sticking, holding, hooking, roughing, slashing or tripping.

In fact, penalty minutes will become extinct. The penalty box will remain intact, although a bit remolded, to serve as a boxing ring inside the rink. This enlarged area with padded walls will encase the nightly boxing matches that occur after the conclusion of the first two periods. So whichever two guys are the most ticked off at each other get to go round and round until someone gets dropped.

So no penalties would equate to no power plays right…WRONG!

There will still be short-handed opportunities. Designated power plays of two minutes during certain time frames of the first and second periods will be assigned to each team. The power play assignments will be determined by a coin flip before the start of the game.

Let me try to break this down in the easiest way possible. Team A wins the coin toss and elects to take the first power play session. The first six minutes of play is standard hockey with five players and one goalie on the ice for each team. Then the next two minutes is a power play for Team A. After Team A’s allotted time expires, Team B gets their two minutes with a man advantage. The following six minutes is back to standard play, and then the last four minutes of the first period will be each team’s final power play possession. But this time Team B gets the first power play with Team A closing out the period.

The same format would be followed for the second period of the game.

The third and final period is standard play for the first 17 minutes and then in the final three minutes both of the goalies are pulled. Six on six with nobody in the net. And if the game is tied at the end of regulation, an overtime shootout immediately ensues with current rules applicable.

A helmet modification from the current issue will be mandated as well. With the physical nature expected in the new league, heavy-duty head gear with equipment covering the entire face and neck will be enforced.

NHL Hybrid is a league for people like Happy Gilmore and Reggie Dunlop. It will offer fans higher scoring contests, more excitement (fighting) and a change from the standard game that has produced the lowest ratings and attendance figures in years.


These are the thoughts of freelance write Scott Cooley.

Does Sean Avery Deserve a Break?

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Unfortunately for the cantankerous Dallas Stars forward Sean Avery, the playground proverb did not hold up in the NHL court of conduct.

Two weeks ago prior to a game against Calgary, Commissioner Gary Bettman cold-cocked Avery with a six-game suspension after making “comments detrimental to the league” regarding his ex-girlfriends and fellow hockey players.

Here is Avery’s statement in its entirety: “I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight.”

The 28-year old Avery, who just signed a four-year 15.5 million dollar contract with Dallas, offered “building excitement” for the game that evening as his alibi. Hollywood actress Elisha Cuthbert is Avery’s old flame and is currently dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf.

Sounds about right to me…one hockey player talking trash about his opponent’s girlfriend in hopes of getting into his head and getting a rise out of him for some quality entertainment? Isn’t that why hockey fans go to games anyway? To watch these men on skates beat each other’s brains out? And they walk away disappointed if the gloves don’t drop at least once a night.

I am not trying to defend that what Sean Avery said was copacetic. His remarks were off-color and no professional athlete should leverage his status to speak in a derogative manner toward anyone – especially women. These guys are privileged to be playing sports for millions of dollars and most don’t possess the intelligence to make a comment without offending someone so they should keep their mouths shut.

But I am going to argue that Avery’s punishment was not reasonable.

Let’s examine a couple of the most recent suspensions handed out in the National Hockey League. On November 14, New York Islanders defenseman Thomas Pock was banned five games for an ill-advised elbow to the head of Ottawa Senators forward Ryan Shannon. The blow concussed Shannon and he does not recall the incident. Days later, a two-game suspension was placed on the New Jersey Devils Mike Mottau for a hit that put his victim out of commission for 12 weeks with head and leg injuries.

These guys do a lot more than talking on the ice and the sticks they use do break bones. But Sean Avery gets six games for two words?

Precedent set in a league surrounded in criminal turmoil seems to be even softer. Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson slaps a woman in the face at a bar and only got suspended a single game. Matt Jones of the Jacksonville Jaguars got caught cutting up lines of cocaine with a Wal-Mart card in a parking lot and is disciplined with a three-game banishment.

Did Sean Avery carry a weapon into a public setting, did he physically attack another person or test positive for any kind of illegal drug? No. In an attempt to possibly be humorous, he made a remark about his former love affairs.

What happened to freedom of speech in this country?

Plus, it isn’t like this is the first time (or last) a celebrity has made her way around NHL locker rooms. Remember Anna Kournikova? I’m sure there was worse said about her among the hockey sewing circles, maybe just not publicly.

In 2004 the outspoken wife of MLB pitcher Kris Benson told Howard Stern on his radio show that if her hubby was ever unfaithful to her and got caught, she would have sex with the entire Mets team – including the bat boys. Anna Benson’s remarks were not crude but amusing. Probably not something you want the kids to overhear, much like Avery’s, but not much different than something they might encounter on late night cable.

Avery’s first game eligible to return from suspension would be tonight against the Phoenix Coyotes but he won’t be in the Dallas Stars locker room come game time.

As of Sunday, the organization has decided to part ways with Avery. Details of Avery’s termination are still up in the air but the Stars could trade him (if any teams have interest), send him to the minor leagues or buy out his contract next summer.

Since entering the league in 2001, Sean Avery has quickly become what Dennis Rodman was to the NBA during his tenure. An agitator, the most-hated player in hockey and some have even called him an embarrassment to the sport.

Avery is currently dealing with his personal problems. In addition to the six-game suspension, Avery was requested to enter a 10-day anger counseling and treatment program where he is addressing his “who gives a crap” attitude.

But the NHL and Commissioner Bettman crossed the blue line of injustice while handling this matter.

Forget about the six games without pay, they might have cost an athlete his future in professional hockey. Many, many athletes have done far worse and have received far less in terms of punishment.

I think he deserves another chance. After all of this, maybe Sean Avery has learned to clean up some of his own sloppiness.


Scott Cooley is a freelance write and make contributions at 3Daily Winners and other locales. If you agree or disagree let Scott know here.